Saturday, April 14, 2012

Now Playing at the Salvinorin Bijou

“Hey, CGI Man! You might as well just rip your eyeballs out!!”
That’s what I laughingly said as my salvia body reconstituted itself against the gelatinous infrastructure of reorganized reality.

“Don’t you Hollywood technicians realize the goldmine that is salvia divinorum? Salvia hallucinations are the next creative phase in CGI rendering. I already know this; I just need to get you Los Angeles artists to see it. Imagine our physical world rendered in the same way that the worlds inside our hallucinogenic minds are rendered. CGI technicians now have the capability of duplicating hallucinogenic activity. What they don’t have are any inspirations. This blog is just such an inspiration.”

“Can’t you see the potential of this new kind of science fiction in movies, this new potential that fuses state of the art technology with creative story telling and salvia inspired visuals?”

“How long ago was the ‘Matrix’ produced? Too long ago. You guys in the movie business need to get your creative shit together. Sure, the fly-over states are dumbing down, but does Hollywood have to dumb down as well?

“Hey, CGI man! Put down your imported water and watch me for a second. Look at me. See how my physical arms dematerialize into CGI rendered pipes that stretch forward, fusing to a slightly rotating, purple and green, gelatinous wheel made of quasi-organic spokes composed of twisting, twirling humanoids? Now I'm totally fastened to the rotating wheel as it rolls across the movie screen, simultaneously wrapping around the optic nerves of paying movie customers.”

The film playing is titled, “Retinal View Master“. It’s a fascinating movie. It’s about a salvia world that presses against the audience's eyelids as it rotates by. The Jell-O surfaces of the viewers' retinas seem as deep as shag carpets made of electri-fried fabric.

See? The movie customers are all mesmerized as they rotate by in frozen synchronization, all fused together like metal peoploids inside a rotating salvia wheel.

Two teenagers frantically grapple against the connection, trying to free themselves from the rolling wheel-like apparatus. The young man, his facial features resembling a teenage Steve McQueen, frees his hands from the self-transforming, mechanical BLOB. He tells the girlfriend he's dating to let go, but she can’t. Her hands are still fused to the apparatus. The teenagers then begin to trail away from each other. The young man sees the theater's Exit sign and runs after his date, his body navigating along the crackling surface of the outside parking lot.

Creatures erupt from the asphalt surrounding the young man as he chases after his girlfriend. Morphing into holograms of her face, they’re laughingly taunting him, teasingly letting him think she's lost forever.

The young man stops running. He can feel the neon-glowing salvia wheel separating from his conscious mind and disappearing into the night. “What the hell is going on?” he wonders to himself. “We were watching a movie when all this shit started happening.”

Meanwhile, the young girlfriend has a look of detached bewilderment on her face as she sits grasping the glowing, gelatinous salvia structure. Her body in a red blouse is replicated into dozens and dozens of bodies in red blouses all connected together, all fusing into the expanded structure of an alien carnival ride. Sitting next to her are duplications of her, mirror copies of her. After quickly looking around, she unfastens her hands, brings them to her face, and lets out a howling SCREAM. Simultaneously, her duplicated twins SCREAM; except, when she stops screaming, her mirror twins all shake their red dresses in exhilarating laughter.

After what seems like forever, the young man finally catches up with his girlfriend. He yells at her as she rotates by.
“Hey, Jane!! I’ve been looking all over for you!!
“Get me off this fucking thing!” she yells back.

The ride finally stops and the still trembling girl says, “What WAS That. You and I were watching a movie, and now I’m on this ride. That was CRAZY. LET'S DO IT AGAIN!”
The boyfriend answers, “No way, baby. I need to get you home by midnight or your dad is going to KILL me.”


“So hopefully you get the picture, CGI man. You DID get the picture didn’t you? Or do I have to smoke another hit of 18x?”